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What to do?

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alphadog

Banned
Well, I've decided that i'm not gonna drive to her town, and then out of the blue she gives me her phone number and tells me that i can send her a message if she doesnt get online for few days or when i'm bored.

I'm not gonna let myself go through this again, questioning myself every day if i'm good enough for her.

I listned to all your advices and i know that its not right to doubt myself, but i just cant change it when it comes to her.

I feel like the only solution is to meet some girl from here.
So my question to you is how can a dude meet a girl from his neighborhood?
I mean, i'm not the type who will start talking with girls in the gym, and never been in a club before.

So whats your advice?
 

tcmtech

Banned
Most Helpful Member
Work on yourself first. Nothing else matters until you love the person you are.
Confidence comes from within. Change the things you do not like about yourself.
Take a step back and honestly look at yourself. What things do you use as excuses to not to do something or go somewhere? Are they honest reasons or irrational ones?

I learned Scuba Diveing last summer, I love it! But I talk to people that say they cant learn it because they are closterphobic or cant swim. Thats a bunch of bull ****!
When I am under water there is no difference in feeling than when I am on land. there is just pressure in my ears that has to be adjusted when I go up and down. There is not even a real feeling of up or down once you are comfortable!
They say they cant swim. I say great then Scuba is for you! The whole consept is that you can breath when your underwater. Plus your gear is positive bouyant. you have to force yourself to sink not float!

What reasons do you have for not going to clubs or social events or places? And are they fully justifiable? Do you not go because there may be germs on a surface someplace?
Or because these places where once smokeing places and you know second hand smoke is bad, so you dont want to risk getting lung cancer from the possible fumes that may still be lingering in the building even after a few years of being smoke free?

Take a very honest ans critical step back and look at yourself. YOU are the only one that can fix that person that is you!

Now do it! Or grow old, bitter, and die alone with no one to even miss you when your gone.
 

kchriste

New Member
Forum Supporter
The best places to meet people are ordinary places such as grocery stores, banks, parks, church, etc. Bars are usually bad news for finding a "nice girl".
Find out what you enjoy and then join a bike club, camping club, bowling league, etc. That way you'll find someone with a common interest which makes conversation so much easier.
Or get a cute dog. Those are excellent chick magnets. ;)
 
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Sceadwian

Banned
Yeah, just do something you think is fun with other people in a friendly environment. I met my wife at a poker game at a friends house. Wasn't looking for a wife or even a girlfriend, just went to play cards =)
 

tcmtech

Banned
Most Helpful Member
I meet new people all the time. They are dead on with the just be friendly and check out the girls at the local places.
If she has ring one her left ring finger she is married or so to be. If she doesnt, It dont hurt to ask.
I have had many without rings say that they were seeing someone. I would just say. Is he bigger than me? (few ever say yes) When she says no, I would say; Well then I dont have anything to worry about! Where would you like to go?

I Still got shot down, but I have many regulars I talk to now! Who knows when one will become available.
 

alphadog

Banned
tcmtech
Thanks for helping me out.
I dont think that i'm ugly, i do have my disadvantagous that i learnd to live with.
The thing is that i think that she's too pretty for me, i dont want to walk around with her on the street, 'cause there's too much difference in the way we look.

The reason i'm not going to clubs or social events is that i dont know people, i dont have friends here that i can hang out with, I tried once going out to a bar, but all i did was drinking and then i left home.
You cant go to these places alone, you see me dog?

kchriste
Joinig a group sounds nice.
I really want to do something like that, i just dont know what kind of group to go to.
I'm not gonna show up in some salsa class or things like that, thougt pretty fit.
What do you suggest?

Sceadwian
ROFL
Man thats awsome :)
The old good days
 

HarveyH42

Banned
Well, I've decided that i'm not gonna drive to her town, and then out of the blue she gives me her phone number and tells me that i can send her a message if she doesnt get online for few days or when i'm bored.

I'm not gonna let myself go through this again, questioning myself every day if i'm good enough for her.

I listned to all your advices and i know that its not right to doubt myself, but i just cant change it when it comes to her.

I feel like the only solution is to meet some girl from here.
So my question to you is how can a dude meet a girl from his neighborhood?
I mean, i'm not the type who will start talking with girls in the gym, and never been in a club before.
Dude! You are good enough for her. You met in a chat room. Think she would have wasted much time if you didn't have some potential? Besides, out of town practice is much better than local, no worries about bumping to each other if things don't work out. Besides, she might be just looking for a 'Good time', on the side...

Church is the number one pick-up place. Plenty of hotties who attend with the family, sort of a tradition. Pretty easy to spot the bored and dis-interested ones, these are the fun ones.
 
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Sceadwian

Banned
You know pretty girls usually hate it when guys think they're too pretty because it makes them harder to approach by 'good guys' rather than typical people looking only at looks.
 

confounded

New Member
lol church! why not look in mental institutions?

Join lots of clubs, check out the local library and community centre for listings and also they have their own clubs like reading groups. the more clubs you join the more stuff you have to talk about with the poeple you meet in each club!

Even if there are no girls your age in the club, you get to make friends and possibly those guys will introduce to some girls they know!

Forget joining clubs for women primarily, join and make friends and potential girlfriends will come along.
 

Mickster

Well-Known Member
Most Helpful Member
Well, I've decided that i'm not gonna drive to her town, and then out of the blue she gives me her phone number and tells me that i can send her a message if she doesnt get online for few days or when i'm bored.
Seems like she's still keen....


I'm not gonna let myself go through this again, questioning myself every day if i'm good enough for her.
Just call the number she gave you and explain that you aren't used to chatting with women much. You probably said all this already over chat messaging, but she seems to still want to strike something up with you... Perhaps she has noticed that if you are so shy in contacting her after this long, there's practically no way you would go around chasing after other women... maybe she's had that happen to her in the past and is looking for someone who's likely to stay loyal.

I feel like the only solution is to meet some girl from here.
So my question to you is how can a dude meet a girl from his neighborhood?
I mean, i'm not the type who will start talking with girls in the gym, and never been in a club before.
Depends where "here" is... If you're in a major city, there's oodles of places where you can go and have the opportunity to meet women. If you're in a small town, the odds are much less. You need to find a situation where you are comfortable within yourself, to be able to talk with women who have a similar interest. Have a look at your own interests and look around for evening classes in your area.....maybe you'd like to learn how to cook properly and not just chuck something in the microwave and wait for the ding... you may have two left feet, leaving you lost where a dance-floor is concerned - the majority of dance classes are comprised of women partnering women due to a shortage of men. Learning ballroom steps can lead to the confidence, or "sod 'em" attitude to get up on the dance-floor when nobody else is dancing.

There are also many places that you probably haven't even thought of, that single women frequent and notice men. Take the supermarket (mall, grocery store, or whatever you call it) for instance....women are observant, they notice practically everything.... the guy buying small portions of foodstuff is not shopping to support a family. Maybe you have been "bumped" in the past and not even noticed - this could be innocent but could also be an opportunity for the woman to strike up a conversation with you.

Turn this situation around..... make it your opportunity to strike up a conversation. If you're in the spices/condiments aisle and a woman with a basket full of "singly" foodstuff is hovering around, ask her if "X" spice should be used in "Y" recipe.. You may, or may not, be attracted to her but you get the chance to interact.

A Laundromat (Self-Service Laundry, or whatever you call it) is another place where you can interact with women. They go there out of routine neccesity and stick their noses in a magazine simply to pass the time..... we go there when we have nothing else left to wear. It's a given that she'd much rather have a conversation. Asking for "tips" on how something should be washed shows a woman that her input is valued, just the same as her asking you how to set up a PC app, or similar, does for you. Once the primary details are out of the way, the conversation gives way to small talk and a little "get to know you better".

And the rest is up to you..
 

Willbe

New Member
Join a club that does group sports or ski trips or canoeing and such; you'll soon be able to tell who is and who is not interested in you.
 

tcmtech

Banned
Most Helpful Member
Ugly is just a male perception! I have a few buddies that are good with the ladies and believe me "DAM MAN! they didnt spare the ugly stick on them!) :eek:

AND those unaprochable hotties, Well aproch them! Why? because every other male had that same thought as you too! They are actualy the ones that are the most willing to have a guy for a friend! :)
I got a few! And trust me just being freinds and being seen in public with them is way good for the self esteem! :p

So getting "Bumped" at the store is a good thing? WOW! I am so popular with the married and mature women! I did not know that! :D
Now you just made me nervous about going to wal-mart! I have been bumped many times and got a big smile and a sorry from it! :D

You just tought me something I did not know!

If she tried to run me over with her car did that mean that she really likes me? :confused:
 

Boncuk

New Member
I'm not gonna let myself go through this again, questioning myself every day if i'm good enough for her.
This sentence proves to me a lack of self confidence.

Asking: "Is she good enough for me?" would be right attitude.

Sitting at home and waiting for a wonder to happen is almost like the chance winning the jack pot in a lottery.

If you have a dog it will help you to make acquaintance of a suitable girl for you even going for a walk in a park.

If the girl turns out not being suitable so what? There are millions of mothers with a beautiful daughter!

Just take it easy, but take it!

Boncuk
 

forumlicker007

New Member
man, be smart in clubs and wherever you go. gals will come insearch of you. that happened to me. now my only worry is to detect wher is the true love;)
 

dknguyen

Well-Known Member
Most Helpful Member
Here's the advice that would normally be give but not followed:
I find many girls are flakey. I've also learned if they're flakey to just move on to the next. I also find that if a girl in school uses homework or any time related thing without offering to reschedule, it means she's not interested. I've seen girls go out on school nights, reschedule their entire night so they go to sleep at 1am and only have one hour of homework, or will only stay at home and do their homework because you said they should rather than going for dinner.

I find it's good to actively go and try to make friends with groups of people until your social circle is large enough that people from opposites sides end up knowing each other. And while you're doing that, go talk to random girls you think you'd like to get to know. It's a rush and good experience at last, if not fun because it's all improvised and you can't look like an idiot (although sometimes that works too). Surround yourself with enough good company, and you won't care so much that you don't have a gf. You'll still care, but not as much and the people around you will greatly enchance your chances, especially if you're the kind to have trouble talking to strangers.
----------------------------------
And this is saying things like it is:

Girls don't seem to like it when you put them on a pedestal. Guess what you do when you're doing when you "just can't change when it comes to her"? You're grovelling. Girls don't like grovellers. She's done nothing to deserve what you're doing. So just stop it. You never invest more than she has invested. It's called reciprocity.

One of the problems with forums for this stuff is that you don't have peers to smack some sense and confidence into you which in the end is more important than anything that can be said. THere really is no excuse for not going out and meeting new people in general. If you prefer a crowd that's not as unrefined and random as a bar, then join some clubs that spark you interest. You gotta at least try and give yourself paths that might lead elsewhere. And if you're part of a church, well seriously just man up.

Oh yeah, one more thing. If you don't do anything nothing will happen. Sorry, but that's the way the world works. It doesn't care what kind of things you won't do because of the type of person you are. Nature is merciless when it comes to things like this, and girls are too.

It's still gonna suck sometimes though, but that's life.
 
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Mikebits

Well-Known Member
Girls don't seem to like it when you put them on a pedestal.
I sorta agree with this and sorta don't. I will try to explain; If you put a girl on a pedestal only to win her heart, the girl will sense your motives, and insecurity, big turn off. On the other hand, when you put a girl on a pedestal in true earnest devotion with the passion to prove your intentions, then you may win her heart. Just ask my wife. :)
 

Boncuk

New Member
man, be smart in clubs and wherever you go. gals will come insearch of you. that happened to me. now my only worry is to detect wher is the true love;)
True love must be something I'm experiencing right now. My wife was local champion in Thai kick-boxing and I can't imagine a better body guard. She's already alerted if somebody gives me a strange look. :)

Of course it could develop into a boomerang if I misuse her faith in me.

Boncuk
 

HiTech

Well-Known Member
Ugly is just a male perception! I have a few buddies that are good with the ladies and believe me "DAM MAN! they didnt spare the ugly stick on them!) :eek:
Ugly girls like to hang with the pretty ones since often an insecure guy will go after them first .... it's all a big game and a sad situation of personal/social insecurity.
 

dknguyen

Well-Known Member
Most Helpful Member
Ugly girls like to hang with the pretty ones since often an insecure guy will go after them first .... it's all a big game and a sad situation of personal/social insecurity.
Really? I notice that pretty girls make pretty friends.
 
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Gayan Soyza

Active Member
Hi I also had a similar problem after I gave off girls.Can't trust on girls.

I'm a nice tall guy with comparing with other guys. Some girls wonder why you still don't have a girlfriend.In these situations I don't have a reply to give them.I just ignore there questions.

Now I'm with this method. "Girl is looking for a Guy" don't know when I get a nice one :(
 
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