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spec

Well-Known Member
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I asked a Chinese girl for her phone number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

spec
 

spec

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Most Helpful Member
Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I already have a cat!"

spec
 
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spec

Well-Known Member
Most Helpful Member
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out five minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.

spec
 
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spec

Well-Known Member
Most Helpful Member
A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable." Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull."

spec
 

spec

Well-Known Member
Most Helpful Member
Mother Superior tells two novice nuns, Henrietta and Monica, to paint their room without getting any paint on their habits.

When the nuns get to their room Henrietta says, "If we take our habits off and put them in the closet we will not be in trouble with Mother Superior.

Monica said "Well.. all right, but we must lock the door."

They have almost completed painting the first wall when there is a knock at the door. Monica freezes and Henrietta asks, "Who is it?"

"Blind man!"

The nuns look at each other nervously, then Henrietta says, "He's blind, so he can't see. What could it hurt?"

They open the door and he exclaims, "Wow! What color blinds would you like?"

spec
 
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spec

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Most Helpful Member
Anyone ever have to dress a child?


Amy, a nursery school teacher, noticing that little Eric was struggling to put his boots on, went to help him.

With Amy pulling, and Eric pushing, the little boots finally went on.

By this time Amy had got into quite a sweat.

Then Eric announced,

'Miss, they're on the wrong feet!'

Amy almost cried, but she managed to keep her cool as, they struggled to get the boots off and back on, this time on the correct feet.

Eric then announced,

'These aren't my boots!'

Amy bit her tongue, rather than saying, 'Why didn't you say so in the first place?', like she wanted to.

Once again, Amy struggled to help Eric pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet.

No sooner had they got the boots off when Eric said,

'They're my brother's boots. But my Mum made me wear them today.'

Amy resisted the temptation to scream, and kept her calm as they both wrestled to get the boots back on.

Helping Eric into his coat, she asked,

'Now, where are your mittens?'

Eric replied,

'I stuffed them in the toes of my boots'
 

JimB

Super Moderator
Most Helpful Member
Well! that little scenario corresponds very well with some of the threads here on ETO, the ones where it is very difficult to find out what the OP really wants.

JimB
 
Returning from a rugby match, Sipho, Pierre, Henry and Stuart enter a local pub to celebrate.
The barman asks for their orders.
"Scotch, double" says Stuart.
"Gin, single" replies Henry.
"Brandy, double" adds Pierre.
As the barman turns towards him, Sipho leans over the counter, and grinning broadly,
pumps the barman's hand vigorously and exclaims
'Sipho Mazibuko, married!!'
 
My brother is a police reporter...
He has to report to the probation officer every 24 hours.
:cool:
 
A wife, exasperated that her hubby spends hours on forums, gets her laptop out.
She logs on, then posts a message:

To Moderator JohnD:
Dear John, do you love me?
SueD

@SueD
I am unable to provide an answer due to insufficient data
JohnD
 
A woman is helping her husband set up his computer.
The husband is feeling mischievious, so when the prompt asks him for a password,
he types in the word PEN*$.
The wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer responded
"Password Rejected. Not Long Enough."
 

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