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Mickster

Well-Known Member
Most Helpful Member
A Vicar was complaining to his curate about his bicycle being stolen.

"I have a cunning plan," said the Vicar. "During my sermon on Sunday I'll read out the ten commandments, and when I get to 'thou shalt not steal' I'll pause and look around the congregation. God will give me a sign, and I'll soon know who the thief is."

Sunday came around, and the Vicar raced through the ten commandments without so much as a breath.

After the service, the curate said "I thought you were going to pause at 'thou shalt not steal'?".

"I was", said the Vicar, "but when I got to 'thou shalt not commit adultery' I remembered where I left the bike.
 

throbscottle

Well-Known Member
( Whilst wearing my AG look-a-like disguise suit )

INCORRECT !

If they were sitting around the table then the front legs of the chairs may be under the table too ! = 20;

But then, if the chairs came from Ebay they're probably Chinese fake junk so the front legs will be broken 10 x 1/2 leg = 15;

:D :D :D

MM
Nah, they are sitting on 3 legged stools...
 

throbscottle

Well-Known Member
True story...
I went down to my local pub one evening, some bloke was stood at the bar telling joke after joke to a rapt audience of locals. Well I went to get a drink, and as the barman pulled my pint I caught the man's eye and said "have you heard the one about the dancing duck?" To which I received, in a none too pleasant tone of voice, "that was one of mine, actually".

I thought "what?" and then I thought "miserable bu**er", so off I went to get quietly drunk.

Several weeks later I was chatting to someone, and she said "oh you know, old Dudley comes here for his holidays and nobody bothers him". At this point it occurred to me why this bloke looked vaguely familiar.

RIP Dudley Moore. Sorry for being a d*ck.
 

atferrari

Well-Known Member
Dudley Moore the actor?
 

Mickster

Well-Known Member
Most Helpful Member
Dudley Moore the actor?
Yes, and comedian. He had a partnership with Peter Cook and they called themselves 'Derek and Clive' for some time, where they did skits that would certainly not be acceptable today.
One of the lesser-offensive skits is the horse race. (I won't link it here, just search the Googler for "derek and clive horse race youtube".)
 

throbscottle

Well-Known Member
I only ever saw him in films. But after I had my moment of realisation I felt such an idiot for not recognising him. He's not exactly a forgettable face!
 

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