How to destroy a family

[tvtech]

Strange title but that is what I am sitting with right now.

Christmas is coming. Yay.

So this is how things work in the "Real World". I am actually writing my life story here. Putting it in stone. Some tolerate me. Some purposely ignore me. Some understand me. Some that I have known for life treat me like ****.....not here. Family. You people are the very nicest people ever.

People I don't actually know are kind to me. And understand me Crazy Crap that goes with a Crazy World.

So, around December this last Year...the person I regarded as a "Brother" gave up his fight. He had had enough and just gave up. And died. What a nice person.

So here is the thing. How to destroy a family.

Get a Lawyer involved....part of the "Family"....married to my Niece. And my Mom in her saving money and all....gave it to a Lawyer..not any one...part of the extended family....

So he sees whats in her Will....and says...you cant do that.....fair enough for starters....

The hugest problem is this idiot "Professional" went haywire one night maybe and said too much to his Wife. My Niece.

And then she went to my Sister and told her. And I am a hated "favoured person"

FFS, a Willl is PRIVATE STUFF.

Never EVER do what my Mom did. It has ****** up everything. And she is alive and well. Now all not mentioned...have no time for her....

They hate me even though I wanted nothing. So, what a Stuff up.

Edit, delete I don't care.

As long as I get the Message through.

You know how crap it is sitting here in this place and thinking about stuff and only having my ETO family?
Don't feel sorry for me, work with me. And I know a lot of you understand.

Thank you,

tvtech

****** I am cutting you a lot of slack here tv, play nicely - One of your local feindly moderators

 

[4pyros]

wow thats messed up

 

[jpanhalt]

Parents always die. That is difficult for the children in many ways. When my brother and I settled the estate, I was resolved there would never be a conflict, regardless of what outsiders might consider equitable. I was the younger brother, and in some cultures past, that meant I got nothing. There were things I wanted, but nothing I felt I needed or was entitled to. We settled the estate in less than half a day, flipped a coin a few times, no hard feelings and not a single argument. On one item, I won the toss, but still gave it to my brother, because I knew what it meant to him. He reciprocated, but it was not some lawyer-brokered deal. Almost 20 years later, we still have not had an argument.

I think it is a terrible shame when true families need a third party to settle an estate. Obviously, there are situations when an 80-year-old marries a 25-year-old, and she wants everything for her cat. The real test there is whether you still need to be dependent on your parents or have grown up. If the amount in question is a few hundred million, and it is clear the old man was bonkers, then maybe a lawyer is a good idea. The vast majority of such destructive family arguments deal with far less money -- perhaps even less than $100,000. My advice to you, tvtech, is to forget it. Take the memories and leave the cash. Above all, keep your family respect.

John

 

[tvtech]

wow thats messed up

Dealing with it Buddy.

I would rather have a thousand of your type .............nice good people that are well...nice folks.

I really don't care for anything else....that's it.

Gimme ETO and well, I am cared for. Not false family. Just folks I have never met before. That tend to take care of me. As irritating as I can be.

So messed up.

I think its a Technical thing. I mean, that is the common denominator here....

And as I have said before and I say again...I am so proud/happy/honored to be part of ETO.

And that is that. Fact. I made ETO my home. Good place

Regards,
tvtech

 

[tvtech]

[QUOTE

****** I am cutting you a lot of slack here tv, play nicely - One of your local feindly moderators[/QUOTE]

And I thank you. If it was not for you Guys I would be a real basket case by now

 

[killivolt]

I don't know when my days will end. But; my Dad is 87 and my brother is in charge of the estate. I am second on the "Living Trust" and the house is worth maybe around $350,000 in a good location by a school.

I don't want the 25 foot trailer worth around $15,000 or the $60,000 truck to pull the trailer nice rig has a 5th wheel. I don't want any of my Father or Mothers things. I would like for him to sell the house and split the money which would benefit my retirement in 8 years. It would pay off my home; and put $75k in the bank.

My father has a good insurance with pension and retirement. We should be able to take care him if he should ever need it with that income.

But; he's living in the home right now and wouldn't be able to purchase one if we split the money. I doubt he will be willing to do it in the end; to justify his current living standard.

So, I'll just keep going the way it is; not looking for a break as usual.

I also failed to mention he's also exploited my "Father" for money on numerous occasions for thousands; he's always doing something stupid?

I'll have to work until I die like most people. It would be nice to be able to take care of my wife if she has needs; my wife has MS and I don't know when or if that could happen.

I don't ask for money from my father; I just think I should be able to take care of myself and because I'm not a needy person; he feels guilty for all the times he's bailed my worthless brother out.

I'm just glad my moms gone so she doesn't have to deal with my idiot brother.

I know what your talking about, tv.

Keep your chin up.

kv

 

[tvtech]

Parents always die. That is difficult for the children in many ways. When my brother and I settled the estate, I was resolved there would never be a conflict, regardless of what outsiders might consider equitable. I was the younger brother, and in some cultures past, that meant I got nothing. There were things I wanted, but nothing I felt I needed or was entitled to. We settled the estate in less than half a day, flipped a coin a few times, no hard feelings and not a single argument. On one item, I won the toss, but still gave it to my brother, because I knew what it meant to him. He reciprocated, but it was not some lawyer-brokered deal. Almost 20 years later, we still have not had an argument.

I think it is a terrible shame when true families need a third party to settle an estate. Obviously, there are situations when an 80-year-old marries a 25-year-old, and she wants everything for her cat. The real test there is whether you still need to be dependent on your parents or have grown up. If the amount in question is a few hundred million, and it is clear the old man was bonkers, then maybe a lawyer is a good idea. The vast majority of such destructive family arguments deal with far less money -- perhaps even less than $100,000. My advice to you, tvtech, is to forget it. Take the memories and leave the cash. Above all, keep your family respect.

John

You know John

What I was saying earlier about good people that I have never met...

Well you are one of them. You seem to have the natural ability to reason and be kind and listen too.

Just saying that cause I can.

Thank You,
tvtech

 

[tvtech]

I don't know when my days will end. But; my Dad is 87 and my brother is in charge of the estate. I am second on the "Living Trust" and the house is worth maybe around $350,000 in a good location by a school.

I don't want the 25 foot trailer worth around $15,000 or the $60,000 truck to pull the trailer nice rig has a 5th wheel. I don't want any of my Father or Mothers things. I would like for him to sell the house and split the money which would benefit my retirement in 8 years. It would pay off my home; and put $75k in the bank.

My father has a good insurance with pension and retirement. We should be able to take care him if he should ever need it with that income.

But; he's living in the home right now and wouldn't be able to purchase one if we split the money. I doubt he will be willing to do it in the end; to justify his current living standard.

So, I'll just keep going the way it is; not looking for a break as usual.

I also failed to mention he's also exploited my "Father" for money on numerous occasions for thousands; he's always doing something stupid?

I'll have to work until I die like most people. It would be nice to be able to take care of my wife if she has needs; my wife has MS and I don't know when or if that could happen.

I don't ask for money from my father; I just think I should be able to take care of myself and because I'm not a needy person; he feels guilty for all the times he's bailed my worthless brother out.

I'm just glad my moms gone so she doesn't have to deal with my idiot brother.

I know what your talking about, tv.

Keep your chin up.

kv

And you are another good person KV

When friends were few and times were tough around a Year ago, you spoke on my behalf.

I don't forget stuff like that. And we both made it

Love you Buddy,
tvtech

 

[DerStrom8]

Things always seem to get worse around the holidays. Not sure what it is--whether it has to do with various family members who don't get along come together in the same area, or maybe it has to do with finances, holiday lay-offs, bad memories, or whatever. Best we can do is keep moving forward. You're better than that, you can push through these issues. Don't let them control you. I don't mean to be cliche or cheesy, but I really mean it. Keep your chin up and things will get better with time.

I am sorry for your loss tvtech. I imagine this season will be especially difficult for you, but you can get through it.

Best wishes,
Matt

 

[tvtech]

Things always seem to get worse around the holidays. Not sure what it is--whether it has to do with various family members who don't get along come together in the same area, or maybe it has to do with finances, holiday lay-offs, bad memories, or whatever. Best we can do is keep moving forward. You're better than that, you can push through these issues. Don't let them control you. I don't mean to be cliche or cheesy, but I really mean it. Keep your chin up and things will get better with time.

I am sorry for your loss tvtech. I imagine this season will be especially difficult for you, but you can get through it.

Best wishes,
Matt

Good to see you again Matt

Long time no see or hear from you?

I perk up when I am on ETO. So much good here like I have always said.

Must make some other Forums out there a little "jealous"
PS: Seeing as I told everyone here I love them..so I love you too.

Fair is fair....

And I have to work Tomorrow...Mr Sun is going to start shining in about 1 Hour.

I think I left it too late......

GOD thank you for ETO. Thank you for good people. sorry about not using caps. really early here. and i think i need to sleep a little bit before i have to wake up again.

not too many sets but enough to keep me busy

love you all

tvtech

 

[JoeJester]

kv,

You need to convience the elder sibling that the fifth wheel and half the proceeds from the house will provide elder enough resources to do whatever they want ... wherever they want ...

 

[MikeMl]

You don't know your siblings (or their spouses) until your parents die...

 

[killivolt]

kv,

You need to convience the elder sibling that the fifth wheel and half the proceeds from the house will provide elder enough resources to do whatever they want ... wherever they want ...

I hope.

Thank you.

kv

 

[killivolt]

Good "Thread" tv

Thank you.

kv

Edit: In a re-read of what I posted. Sorry to have put my stuff here in this "Thread" I just started in and couldn't stop.

Sorry again, and a good "Thread" hopefully it will benefit others.

Cheers, tv

kv

 

[tvtech]

Good "Thread" tv

Thank you.

kv

Edit: In a re-read of what I posted. Sorry to have put my stuff here in this "Thread" I just started in and couldn't stop.

Sorry again, and a good "Thread" hopefully it will benefit others.

Cheers, tv

kv

Sometimes one needs to speak about stuff. To get it off your chest.
Just to speak and nobody judges you

That's the beauty of a place like ETO. More compassion here amongst strangers than you will find with people you know

Strange hey?

Even although I have never actually met anyone here...I think we all know each others Characters to a degree.
And Character is the most important thing. That defines us and the way we think.

So, post more KV in this thread. I am happy that I got stuff off my chest...and so did you

Your Friend,
tvtech

 

[tcmtech]

Reminds me of when my Grandpa died about 10 or so years ago.

Simple agreement was made between his six sons and daughters. All his land gets ownership split equally between the 6 as in each person owns 1/6 of ever grain of dust on the land.

Second was that all his belongings would go up for auction and the proceeds get split equally to the nearest penny between them. The intent behind that was simply that who ever wants whatever the most bids the most for it. Really if you think about it they were basically buying the items from themselves in end anyway.

Family is still fussing about who got what and what was fair and BTW of the 6 kids at least 4 of them are financially well enough off they could have bought his whole estate outright multiple times over and the two who couldn't could have at least bought it once over the day of the auction.

 

[Menticol]

Almost anything can destroy a family, TV. Ranging from an adventure with a mistress, a natural accident, a drunk driver, a terrorist attack (the last ones a sad reality here in this country!)...

But going back on money related fights, my extended family fell apart for a single item: Old grandpa's home. Funny because the commercial value of the property is very very low. The house is not very well maintained, and the (once beautiful) town were it is located is now a decaying thieves bastion.

My mother never took part on the ridiculous fight and left her part. After a couple of years, only one of my uncles also leaved his stupid pride and reunited back with my mother. But his brother and sister couldn't leave behind their rage, so I never heard of that uncle and aunt again.

My mother and her brother sometimes reunite and laugh about how stupid their brother and sister's attitudes are. Maybe the old house made a favour for them, keeping bad companies away.

The end of the story is, TVtech, being a biological family, long time friend, spouse, doesn't guarantee anything. People change in very unpredictable ways, and for good and for bad, time will stick that people or jettison them from your life automatically, no action required.

Maybe time will reunite you again, when the stupid money issues are forgotten. But if they are not, the relation wasn't worth from the beginning. Is sad to call a family member relation as worthless, but as I said, unexpected people change on unexpected, extreme ways.

Will the day of the reunion come? No idea. But while you wait, enjoy the new small family that you have built by yourself. But don't stop on the cold computer screen. Skype them, call them, maybe personally meeting your ETO friends if they live in your same country.

Yes, there are dangers, your credit card or naked pictures exposed but a life without adventure is not worth living.

PS: Just kidding! Please only hang up with your ETO friends, avoid drinking beer with hot suspicious exotic girls

 

[Reloadron]

I have seen families destroyed over wills and that is something I never understood. I have seen brother against brother in the most horrible ways. I am one of four children and the oldest. I love my siblings as much as I love life itself. We were all raised by our parents to look out for each other and remain forever close. That is how we in turn raised our children. We lost our father back in '99. Dad was 77 and doing great right till Pancreatic cancer took his life. During his final months all of us remained close to him and our mother. Even the neighbors observed how we hovered around the home. I made the drive home every weekend I could. When dad passed we were all there, not just for our father but for our mother and each other.

We lost our mother in November of 2011, three years ago. Mom had a great life and passed away at 92. Mom remained in what we all called the big house till she passed away. Prior to her passing we all had copies of her will which was funny as all it said was that the estate was to be divided equally between the four of us. Mom made it clear that anything in the house any of us wanted was to be decided before her passing and so it was. There were no arguments whatsoever! Prior to our mother's passing one of my sister's lost her husband, they lived in West Virginia. Cindy wanted to move back to Ohio to be close to our other sister and wanted the house so she bought our mother's house from the rest of us at fair market value. Hell, she owned 1/4 of it anyway.

In a few days Kathy and I will be heading down to Columbus, Ohio for the Christmas Holidays. We will be joined by the kids and grand kids as well as my brother and two sisters, all at "the big house". While the house is now Cindy's house we all still refer to it as mom's house. We also do things together, last winter Kathy and I went to the Caribbean for a few weeks with my brother and sister Cindy. We all cherish the time we spend together and above all else enjoy sharing plenty of laughs. Thus, I can never relate to the family wars I have seen where siblings hate each other or their parents. My heart does go out to those who must endure such situations. I can only suggest people resolve their family differences during the living years because when we are dead it's too late.

Ron

 

[DerStrom8]

Good to see you again Matt

Long time no see or hear from you?

I perk up when I am on ETO. So much good here like I have always said.

Must make some other Forums out there a little "jealous"
PS: Seeing as I told everyone here I love them..so I love you too.

Fair is fair....

And I have to work Tomorrow...Mr Sun is going to start shining in about 1 Hour.

I think I left it too late......

GOD thank you for ETO. Thank you for good people. sorry about not using caps. really early here. and i think i need to sleep a little bit before i have to wake up again.

not too many sets but enough to keep me busy

love you all

tvtech

Hi tvtech,

It has been a while since I've been able to really post on the forums. Work has been very busy lately--I have been dealing with the business side rather than just the product development side of things, meaning there has been a lot more work, more meetings, more product presentations, and so on. Furthermore there is a new lady in my life to whom I dedicate most of my remaining time Long story short, I don't make it to the forums much anymore, besides browsing, cleaning up the occasional spam, etc. However, my job will be ending early next week and, while I have two other opportunities lined up, they do not start until next August. Therefore I will be moving back to Boston for one more round of being a university lab technician, then I'll be starting my new job (haven't decided which one to accept yet). In the meantime I expect I'll be a bit more free to chat on the forums and whatnot

Regards,
Matt

 

[KeepItSimpleStupid]

When my father's parents passed, we never got to see the will. We tried, but too late. We may have been able to see IF we tracked down the lawyer earlier. It was not at the "register of wills", so it was something different, a trust maybe. We basically found that the lawyer moved somewhere in Florida, but he was unfindable.

In any event, there were 2 sisters and 3 brothers. My father and another brother lived away from the family farm. Everyone was offered a piece of land from the farm, so two took that offer while they were living. When she passed, the other sister got the land and the farmhouse. Some other parts other parts of the the property (some wooded) were sold, but with a deed restriction that no development would occur until they passed. My father got $25K and thought he mother said he would get about double that. Supposedly, the other sibling got the same. My father was the first of his siblings to pass. He was the oldest.

So, there are three siblings living on the farm in their own land and a cousin is living in a trailer on the farm too. The trailer cannot be upgraded do to code changes. That particular trailer is grandfathered. Across the street there are homes costing 1 Million USD or more with built in pools etc,. There still is a potato farm across the street. The land would definitely be valuable to developers. My aunt lives in the farmhouse, but has Alzheimer's.

Subconsciously, I still want to remember the place as it was, not how it is. I've seen the changes with Goggle Maps,