Engineer Jokes.

[Mikebits]

You can get online degrees from real colleges though that are accredited the exact same way. Students watch the lectures online, then physically attend
the college a few days a year to sit the exams with the students that attend everyday.
I was thinking of doing it for a one year add on to the degree I have, because I don't want to leave a job.

I was not implying that all online programs are bad by my statement, only that there are some that are not very reputable such as, Joe's Online college.

And I was trying to make a point aside from that issue.

 

[duffy]

Yes, I know. It's called the "Wanninger principle" in Germany. Everybody rises until he has reached a level of total incompetence. From then on he rises at double speed being pushed higher and higher. (since nobody can use him.)

It's called the "Peter Principle" here in the US. Originally it was a joke, but sometime in the last 30 years it became standard business proceedure.

 

[AtomSoft]

OMG lol TAKE 6 is awesome!!!!

 

[updownleftright]

LOL Very funny!

 

[birdman0_o]

A group of trainee managers were given an exercise to determine the height of the flagpole out the front. As they stood around discussing triganometry & pythagorus & other methods of calculating the height, an engineer walked up & asked what the problem was. After hearing what was required he pulled the flagpole out of the ground, laid it down & measured it with a tape. "9.35 metres " he promptly said and then walked away. "Typical engineer" said the senior manager , "ask for the height and they give you the length."

This is my favorite so far LOL

 

[HiTech]

Actually, McDonalds often pioneered the development of fast food service machinery. A good many of the machines in their restaurants were specially developed for them in order to remain #1 and to provide efficiency. So, being employed as an engineer for McDonalds could be a good payoff for some!

 

[Noggin]

Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three lawyers each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

“How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks a lawyer.

“Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer.

They all board the train. The lawyers take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, “Ticket, please.” The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The lawyers see this and agree that it is quite a clever idea so, after the conference, they decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (recognizing the engineers’ superior intellect).

When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don’t buy a ticket at all.

“How are you going to travel without a ticket?” says one perplexed lawyer.

“Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer.

When they board the train the three lawyers cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby.

The train departs.

Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the lawyers are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, “Ticket, please.”

 

[Pommie]

Brilliant, always knew that engineers were smarter than lawyers.

Mike.

 

[AtomSoft]

Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three lawyers each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

“How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks a lawyer.

“Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer.

They all board the train. The lawyers take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, “Ticket, please.” The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The lawyers see this and agree that it is quite a clever idea so, after the conference, they decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (recognizing the engineers’ superior intellect).

When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don’t buy a ticket at all.

“How are you going to travel without a ticket?” says one perplexed lawyer.

“Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer.

When they board the train the three lawyers cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby.

The train departs.

Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the lawyers are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, “Ticket, please.”

Lol this is great! It made laugh out loud while reading heh I wasn't even thinking of that heh good one

 

[JimB]

An engineer, a priest and a lawyer go out on a fishing trip in a small boat.
After a short while the engine fails and they are stuck, 100 metres or so from land, and nobody in sight to give them help.
The engineer has a look at the engine and declares that he cannot fix it without spare parts and tools which they dont have on board.
The priest tries praying, hoping for some divine intervention but without success.
So they just sit there for a couple of hours, hoping for rescue. As they wait, a load of sharks gather, circling the stranded boat.
At this point the lawyer gets up and says "I think I can make it to the shore to get help". He stands at the side of the boat ready to step into the shark infested water and all the sharks line up and make a path to the shore for the lawyer to walk across. Off he goes, stepping from the back of one shark to the next until he reaches land.
"Did you see that!" exclaimed the priest, "It was a miracle!"
"No miracle," replied the engineer, "just professional courtesy!"

JimB

 

[sram]

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." "The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Man, love this one!

 

[Boncuk]

Not quite the theme, but ...

The US president, the russian president and (former) chancellor Helmut Kohl had finished a three party talk and needed some refreshment.

So they went to the swimming pool of the hotel. It had a jumptower with 10m height.

All three were talking about risking a jump from the tower when a fairy appeared and told the three gentlemen that the pool will be filled with the liquid they wish when jumping.

The US president was first to jump and he yelled "Whiskey!". Of course the pool was filled with whiskey when he touched down.

Second was the russian president and (what else?) he yelled "Vodka", and again the pool was filled, this time with pure superior vodka.

Finally it was Kohl's turn to jump. He yelled "Pils" (Pilsen beer) and started downwards. He landed in a completely dry pool and broke some bones.

The fairy said: "You should know well enough that it takes seven minutes to draft a good Pilsen beer."

I really loved him!