Hi, I looked at your problems and they are indeed tough. Can you get any support directly from the kit seller?
My guess is those connections should not be made. You would expect a "dot" to show that. They have a square dot at some points where three wires meet, not at others.
How can it be that you need to wire it up? Didn't you get a printed wiring board with the kit?
As for the FET, I would get exactly what they specify. The "TrenchMOS" technolgy may not be so important, but it is a "Logic Level" FET made for switching. Again, did you not get all the parts in the kit?
Sorry, but I cannot help you as well as the kit designer!