how would you tell a friend you'd decided to travel solo

[electroRF]

I and a friend at work determined to backpack together for 3 weeks, and we ordered flight tickets last week.

During the last days, I came to conclusion that I'd rather go solo.

I don't know how to tell him that.

I'm not sure he's the type who'd go solo, so it might mean for him to cancel the trip, which would cost him as well..

What do I do at this point?

If it wasn't a friend at work, I would feel less terrible about the situation.

But if it's found out at work, people will treat me with less respect.

I'd appreciate your advises dear fellows.

 

[steveB]

I would say, you made the commitment, so honor it. But, then again, you didn't say why you want to go solo, so maybe that advice is not appropriate if you have a good reason to change your mind.

 

[killivolt]

Going Solo is not good idea while backpacking. Maybe short distance even then, their is always the unpredictable things that can occur and it would be good to have someone you might be able to depend on.

If your relationship is faltering and you don't think you can handle it, you might learn something new and good you can appreciate about them that will change your mind.

Lastly you did commit and backing out of it is not an option, unless you think he's a serial killer. Then do anything you can to get out of it and watch your back at all times.

Sorry, just how I look at it.

 

[DerStrom8]

You guys took the words right out of my mouth.

If you told him you were going hiking with him, you made a commitment and should adhere to it. Also, as kv suggested, hiking alone is not safe, regardless of where you are. There are wild animals, crazed hunters, and natural disasters. It's always good to have a spotter.

That's my opinion, anyway.

Good luck,
Matt

 

[KeepItSimpleStupid]

I think your committed. If you back out, you may loose a friend.

Now, you did not say the reason you wnated to go solo, so I cannot comment. The trip has monetary and a time value. Even if you paid him for his monetary loss, I doubt you could recover the emotional loss and consequences.

You can always go solo at another time.

My mom planned a trip with was near the time of 9/11. She decided that she did not want to go. They both backed out. They both had insurance. The cost was like $50 each not to go. Neither worked at the time. There was a decent reason.

She may never get the intended destinatiion because of her health. She will definately not go with the friend because her friend passed away last year.

 

[electroRF]

Thank you guys.

You're right, I got to keep my word and travel with him.

The thing is, I'm a loner, and I've never been with someone day after day for a month, nor did I have much experience with it.

I hope I'll manage to get along with him.

There's still some time till the trip, i'll keep you posted.

 

[steveB]

You can explore some ideas with him. Although backpacking alone is not a good idea, you could suggest that maybe you split up for the middle 1 week of the trip - just for a break, which he may appreciate also. If you do that, you can stay close enough to each other to be able to help if an emergency happens, and it would be important to have a means to communicate (i.e. walkie talkie, satellite phone, smoke-signals, drum-beat morse code, or whatever works for you).

Even an occasional 1-day break at several points over the 3-weeks may be enough to give some relief.

 

[tvtech]

You can explore some ideas with him. Although backpacking alone is not a good idea, you could suggest that maybe you split up for the middle 1 week of the trip - just for a break, which he may appreciate also. If you do that, you can stay close enough to each other to be able to help if an emergency happens, and it would be important to have a means to communicate (i.e. walkie talkie, satellite phone, smoke-signals, drum-beat morse code, or whatever works for you).

Even an occasional 1-day break at several points over the 3-weeks may be enough to give some relief.

Excellent advise.

Regards,
tvtech

 

[Nigel Goodwin]

Thank you guys.

You're right, I got to keep my word and travel with him.

The thing is, I'm a loner, and I've never been with someone day after day for a month, nor did I have much experience with it.

I hope I'll manage to get along with him.

There's still some time till the trip, i'll keep you posted.

It'll be a good experience for you then - certainly dumping him at this late date (or at all once arranged) would be a really crappy thing to do.

 

[tvtech]

It'll be a good experience for you then - certainly dumping him at this late date (or at all once arranged) would be a really crappy thing to do.

Hi Nigel

Good advise always from you

Regards,
tvtech

 

[JimB]

The thing is, I'm a loner,

So what?
So am I, but I can get along with most people.
As you go through life you will find people who you can trust, and some you cannot.
Your maybe travelling companion is on the point of finding someone who he cannot trust...

...YOU !!

and I've never been with someone day after day for a month, nor did I have much experience with it.

As others have said, it is time to start learning and get that experience.

JimB

 

[DerStrom8]

The thing is, I'm a loner

I was too, for years, all throughout high school and part of college. Then when I was in college I started doing things that were WAY outside my comfort zone. I would go out of my way and meet new people, even though it was the LAST thing I wanted to do. After a year or two, I was about as social as they come, and I had made more good friends and had more awesome experiences than I ever would have had if I stayed a loner.

Doing things that are outside your comfort zone, within reason, is one of the most important things for a young adult to do. What you do now will ultimately shape who you are for the rest of your life. Trust me, a loner isn't a good thing to be for an extended period of time, and I think this trip is just what you need. Try to have fun and I have no doubt that you will.

Best wishes,
Matt

 

[electroRF]

Hi guys,

Thanks again for all your support and honest opinions.


I started to make a list of cons and came up with the below:

1. share expenses (becomes pretty annoying when one spends more than the other and we need to calculate how much each should pay)

2. wait for the other person to wake up

3. if you're not hungry at the same time, one has to wait for the other to finish his meal, and vice versa

4. agree on the route taken each day

That's hard! is'nt it?

 

[ericgibbs]

Hi guys,

Thanks again for all your support and honest opinions.


I started to make a list of cons and came up with the below:

1. share expenses (becomes pretty annoying when one spends more than the other and we need to calculate how much each should pay)

2. wait for the other person to wake up

3. if you're not hungry at the same time, one has to wait for the other to finish his meal, and vice versa

4. agree on the route taken each day

That's hard! is'nt it?

Looking at the list, its what you will have to get used too if you ever get married.

Its called learning to compromise and work as a team.

IMHO you are intent on making it a negative experience, so it will most likely turn out that way!!

 

[tvtech]

Looking at the list, its what you will have to get used too if you ever get married.

Its called learning to compromise and work as a team.

IMHO you are intent on making it a negative experience, so it will most likely turn out that way!!

LOL

This is funny

Love the lot of you

Regards,
tvtech

 

[steveB]

That's hard! is'nt it?

Nope, that's life.

1. When two people are each willing to put in more than 50%, it works fine. Don't sweat the small stuff because it all balances out in the end. On the rare occasion you find yourself with someone who takes advantage deliberately, don't worry because now you know who not to deal with ever again. That knowledge is worth the small loss.

2. Kick his ass or throw water in his face. He'll get the idea. When I was in college, I rowed crew and one guy never woke up on time (5:00 AM practices). So one day we went to his dorm, dragged him out of bed and dragged him into the shower for a cold water wake up call. He never was late again and eventually became the best rower on the crew.

3. Bring snacks and keep them handy. Ask each other when you think you will want to eat, and the hungry one can eat snacks accordingly.

4. Try to agree, but if you can't, then alternate who gets to choose each day, or flip a coin daily.

Life is only hard when you make it hard. I'll say this in a friendly way and with all good intentions. So far, it appears you may be the difficult one of the pair. If you learn to compromise just a little, it will likely work out just fine.

 

[killivolt]

Hi guys,

Thanks again for all your support and honest opinions.


I started to make a list of cons and came up with the below:

They make an AP for that..

1. share expenses (becomes pretty annoying when one spends more than the other and we need to calculate how much each should pay)

They make an AP for that......

2. wait for the other person to wake up

It's called an "Itinerary" agree on a time to start your day or you can bring plenty of electronics or reading material while you wait.

3. if you're not hungry at the same time, one has to wait for the other to finish his meal, and vice versa

I agree with SteveB, take your favorite snacks, when ever you do sit down to eat with someone, it's proper to wait for them to finish. Again take something to keep you occupied while you wait.

. agree on the route taken each day

That's hard! is'nt it?

No, it's not hard. Only if your perception is pre-conceived to be negative from the start. Get up with a positive attitude that you are on a trip and will enjoy it, no matter what. Living every day without responsibilities and pressures is an adventure.

I haven't had an opportunity like this in over 10yrs. All I do is work and be responsible.

Lighten up and have some fun, it's just one trip.

kv

 

[fezder]

Hi guys,

Thanks again for all your support and honest opinions.


I started to make a list of cons and came up with the below:

1. share expenses (becomes pretty annoying when one spends more than the other and we need to calculate how much each should pay)

2. wait for the other person to wake up

3. if you're not hungry at the same time, one has to wait for the other to finish his meal, and vice versa

4. agree on the route taken each day

That's hard! is'nt it?

well, i'm not hiking person, and i don't have that much experience in life to be advisor in these situtations, i just cope with things as they come, no matter how ridiculous, irritating, funny etc...they come. I find it quite refreshing . like last week, i was given by my friend a task, to install control panel to a boat. i thought first ''well this is piece of cake, pretty much same as car electronics....'' tuned out, there were NO markings on cables or anyother documentation at hand, and top on that it started raining and i think i had little sea-sicness also. But as stubborn i am, i had to pull it off for my own honor, and because i said i would do it. after when it was done, no fuses were blown, and boat still haven't set on fire! . but now, back to your situtation, which i understand, i'm loner too. i do things at school solo too, but conserning safety with electricity, its better to have someone watch your back. well actually teachers are pretty accurate about safeties, but there are good to be someone with the same level.

1: wouldn't that go pretty painlessly if eachother would pay expenses about 50/50 ratio? it makes trip nicer if there are some friendly-volunteered payments, like ''let's have a pizza/koffee/or something, round's on me!''

2: well you work on same company? i've not been much in worklife, but does employer wait for you to wake up? well that was bit harsh to say, but if you both agree to wake up at say, 5am, and go to sleep accordingly so you can indeed wake at that time, there shouldnt be much problem? okay i understand, people need different amount of sleep, but myself i keep my alarm on, daily at same time, just to keep ''routine'' on, and, i get very cranky, full of headache, and out-of-fuel all day, i just want sleep all day if i sleep too much.

3. i would like SO much if someone would wait me to finish my meal at school. everyone has ''hurry'' to somewhere else. we all go eating that late, it's not even growded or noisy at schools meal-place. I couldnt leave before other/s have eaten, i find it very impolite to leave before, and my nature won't allow it......of course, in your situtation, i understand it, but people need different amount of food/energy to cope on. others are hungry pretty much all the time, others need only breakfast/lunch and little bites here and there.

4. well, the way i see it, isn't hiking's one purpose to see sights? its irritating okay, if other wants to see something other wouldn't even pay to see.....but your'e friends, so it would be VERY nice thing to do to hear others opinions, and see if total route could be made so both would be happy. like in return trip, if there are any?
that's pretty much all i have to say, maybe i think things too positively, but that's just the way i think and feel.
and, if you decide to go solo, if you have reason, whatever it is, your friend surely listen to it. if you decide to go together, it can really vitalise social live, maybe you find hiking is better in together versus solo. again, i can be wrong . i say all this as a friend, even i don't know you that well! and sorry about mis-spelling and such....

have fun!

 

[tvtech]

Fez, you are a star

Thanks for your refreshing way of seeing life.

All the best,
tvtech

 

[fezder]

thanks, it seemed interesting topic, so i shared what i had to say about it
and situation is well, awkward...