Parent's Wedding Aniversary Screw up

[Frosty_47]

Hello everyone,

I almost went nuts trying to pick a gift for my parents silver (25 years) wedding anniversary. Than I remembered my mom bragging about a spa of some sort, so I purchased a massage session for my parents. At the time I thought they would appreciate it. When I attempted to give this gift to my mother, she refused it, calling me a "cheap *******" and asking that I return the sessions I have purchased. I understand that she is angry at me for showing up an hour late to the restaurant earlier that day, but I have apologized and explained myself earlier for doing so. I don't know what my next step should be, should I apologies and attempt to give them a better gift? If so, what kind ?

Thanks

 

[HarveyH42]

Get them something nice, but completely useless... Kind of rude to reject gifts. Silver Anniversary, a shiny, silver-like picture frame, with a picture of you dress most casual, super glued in, so they can't even swap it out...

Were the Massage sessions at a trendy spa, or a seedy place, next to the topless bar? Just curious, since there is a big difference in the techniques used. Don't recall my mom ever calling me cheap, but I'm always on time. My youngest brother is usually late, and cheap or empty handed, so makes me look great.

 

[bananasiong]

I think she got mad just because you were late? Anything you give sure will be refused and hey, that's how all lady react when they get mad. Perhaps you should talk to your dad? You mom should have complained you to him i guess

 

[BrownOut]

Buy her some anger management theropy.

 

[Frosty_47]

Get them something nice, but completely useless... Kind of rude to reject gifts. Silver Anniversary, a shiny, silver-like picture frame, with a picture of you dress most casual, super glued in, so they can't even swap it out...

Were the Massage sessions at a trendy spa, or a seedy place, next to the topless bar? Just curious, since there is a big difference in the techniques used. Don't recall my mom ever calling me cheap, but I'm always on time. My youngest brother is usually late, and cheap or empty handed, so makes me look great.

The massage sessions were at a registered clinic... locatted near my parents home, no strip bar or any bar was near it...

 

[Frosty_47]

I think she got mad just because you were late? Anything you give sure will be refused and hey, that's how all lady react when they get mad. Perhaps you should talk to your dad? You mom should have complained you to him i guess

Haha good point... I did not talk to my dad about it yet, even though we had a good time with my dad despite my mom going postal. I already tossed the massage certificates off the bridge on my way home, so it's kinda pointless to talk about it now...

 

[Reloadron]

Buy her some anger management theropy.

Thank you BrownOut for morning coffee right through the nose.

@ Frosty:

I am sure she will get over it. Let's face it, something as important as a 25th anniversary dinner is not something you want to be an hour late for. As to the gift? A few years back I did some paid side work for someone. She was so greatful she gave the wife and I the same gift. Man, that was enjoyable! You were well intentioned and that is what counts, you just screwed up being late for the dinner. She will get over it but, yeah that was a big screw up.

Ron

 

[BrownOut]

Thank you BrownOut for morning coffee right through the nose.

Ron

Always happy to help get someone's morning started, Heh!

 

[JimB]

OK, here is my opinion on this kind of thing.

I almost went nuts trying to pick a gift for my parents silver (25 years) wedding anniversary.

Here we have one of the tyranies of the affluent western world.
It is burnt into our psyche that we must give presents to those close to us at birthdays, aniversaries, christmas etc.
The first problem comes that in an affluent society, the recipient probably has all the "stuff" which they could reasonable want or need anyway, so the choice of present is difficult.

I purchased a massage session for my parents. At the time I thought they would appreciate it. When I attempted to give this gift to my mother, she refused it, calling me a "cheap *******" ...

Another problem, I do not know your families financial circumstances, but usually the parents a financially better off than the children and can afford more expensive luxuries.
I find your mothers retort most ungracious.

I understand that she is angry at me for showing up an hour late to the restaurant earlier that day, but I have apologized and explained myself earlier for doing so.

Sometimes even when you have the best intentions things just go wrong.
She was also probably having a bad attack of PMT* at the time!

I don't know what my next step should be, should I apologies and attempt to give them a better gift?

Just say "sod it", draw a line under it and move on.

Warning, drink your coffee before reading this bit.

* What is the difference between PMT and BSE ?
One is Mad Cow disease, the other is a disease which affects farm animals.

JimB

 

[Mikebits]

I am giving the benefit of doubt here, I think mom was just upset and hurt that her son was 1 hour late for her celebration and subsequently used the gift as an outlet for her anger. I do not think the gift was the real issue.

My mom was always grateful no matter what I gave her for gifts, I think most moms are this way.

 

[cr0sh]

OK, here is my opinion on this kind of thing.


Here we have one of the tyranies of the affluent western world.
It is burnt into our psyche that we must give presents to those close to us at birthdays, aniversaries, christmas etc.
The first problem comes that in an affluent society, the recipient probably has all the "stuff" which they could reasonable want or need anyway, so the choice of present is difficult.

My wife and I, several years back, solved this problem once and for all; we stopped giving presents - to each other, and to most other people as well. Occasionally, we will give each other a surprise present; but it isn't on a "special day" or a "holiday" - it is truely a surprise gift, and generally nothing fancy or expensive. We've found that during the holidays, our stress is much, much less. We don't have to fight crowds or endure lines; we don't have to search all over "hell and highwater" to find that one gift.

Between that and dropping cable TV - talk about a reduction in stress and insanity...

Recently, we've been contemplating reducing or eliminating "friends" - seriously. Between people who want everything but won't give anything back to the relationship, and people who bring more drama into your life than is really necessary - they just aren't worth it. If I need help, I'll hire it.

 

[canadaelk]

F_47: Re post #5:

You: The massage sessions were at a registered clinic... locatted near my parents home, no strip bar or any bar was near it...

There is your answer! E

 

[vlad777]

My mother responds to something I make:
might it be a computer from junk parts
or an attempt at artwork.