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Your opinion will be appreciated

Discussion in 'Members Lounge' started by EngIntoHW, Jul 20, 2011.

  1. EngIntoHW

    EngIntoHW Member

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    Hi folks,

    Please tell me what you think on the following situation.

    I'm going tomorrow to a social event.
    A girl (I'll call her D) who I like very much asked me for a ride, and I said yes of course.
    Then, she asked if her not so close friend can join the ride. this not so close friend of her and I share bad history and I really dislike her.

    At first I said yes, but after an hour it started really bugging me and I just couldn't endure it anymore and I told D that I won't be able to have her friend in my car after what we've been through, and that I'd understand it if she'd rather not coming with me after all so she could come with her friend by a bus.

    What do you think of all this?
    Was I selfish?
    Shall D be disappointed of me?

    Thanks guys.
     
  2. KJ6EAD

    KJ6EAD Member

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    There's no right answer. The only part of your behavior that troubles me is that you first offered and then rescinded the offer to include the ex-friend. That was a bit flaky. Now to D's behavior. She should not have tried to add a rider to an already made plan. Call me cynical, but D probably knows how you feel about her and is using that to leverage convenient favors, sometimes called "being manipulative" or "using you".

    I could be wrong, you're in a better position to judge. My recommendation going forward is just to be honest, be gracious, but beware of women travelling in packs hatching plans for free rides. :)
     
  3. Sceadwian

    Sceadwian Banned

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    You said yes at first, why is irrelevant. The initial intention of a ride is there and back again in general. You obviously have history far beyond customary social interaction far outside of this conversations context.
     
  4. dave

    Dave New Member

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  5. EngIntoHW

    EngIntoHW Member

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    Thanks for your comments mates, I appreciate it.

    KJ
    You're right, I should have said no from the beginning, I wasn't thinking correctly at the time.
    I haven't managed to reach D yet since I texted her that I won't be able (emotionally) to have her friend join us.
    So I don't even know if she still wants me to pick her up.
    That's a weird situation, because I should set off in less than an hour.
     
  6. killivolt

    killivolt Well-Known Member

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    People?

    You shouldn't worry about her. She was just using you, Plus manipulating the situation you shouldn't be co-dependent on what she thinks. The "Bad" is on her not you. You were late in your honesty poor timing but, it was the truth and you can't be faulted just because of it.

    She was planning on your graciousness and hitched the wagon once she new she was in the car and your graces.

    If she really wants the ride as you intended she would call you and say I'm not going with you know who. Could I still ride with you?

    The ball is in "her" court as they say.

    kv
     
  7. DerStrom8

    DerStrom8 Super Moderator Most Helpful Member

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    I personally would go the other way. If I offered to bring someone to a social event, I would not take it back, regardless of my history with the person. Especially if this person is a friend of a girl who I like very much. I would try to forget my past with the other girl and do my best to build a friendship. Sort of like the old saying, "A friend of yours is a friend of mine".
    However, I have no idea what your past with her really is. I don't know how "bad" it was, so it is difficult to say for sure.
    Der Strom
     
  8. Reloadron

    Reloadron Well-Known Member Most Helpful Member

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    I am in complete agreement with DerStorm8 on this. The fact is you said yes. Maybe it's just me but I don't see how something that should be simple got so complicated in an hours time. When you initially said yes you made a comittement and you should stick to it.

    Actually I would look forward to seeing this other person again and be just as nice and polite as can be. Maybe to me this all just seems a bunch of childish ******** anyway. I must be getting really old. :)

    Ron
     
  9. BrownOut

    BrownOut Banned

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    Some Personal Perspective

    I've spent most of my 50+ years insulating myself from people who annoy me. Turns out that nearly everyone annoys me. I've come to the conclusion that unless I want to die alone, I'll need to learn to deal with difficult personalities. Believe me, my girlfriend can push my buttons. But I probabaly won't ever be able to do better than her, so I buck up and handle it. You might have an opportunity to learn that lesson earlier in life.
     
  10. MrAl

    MrAl Well-Known Member Most Helpful Member

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    Hi Eng,

    Sounds like you've got buyers remorse :) You agreed to a deal and wanted to recant later. This is somewhat normal behavior. You went with your first thought, to be with the one you liked and to try to make her happy, but then later you realized you made a mistake and would rather not proceed with a certain aspect of the 'deal'.

    Probably the best way to handle this would be to simply explain your actions to her in exact chronological order so she has some idea what you are feeling. Tell her why you agreed to begin with and exactly why you had second thoughts later. If she's a decent human being she will understand. You may have to elaborate about the problems that came about between you and her friend though so that she can start to understand your predicament.
     
  11. Sceadwian

    Sceadwian Banned

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    I'm with ya there BrownOut, I definitely wish I'd learned those lessons better earlier on in life myself. But our pasts make us who we are, and even if there's some things we don't like about who we are, at least we made it this far.
     
  12. EngIntoHW

    EngIntoHW Member

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    Guys,
    Thanks a lot for your sincere comments.

    I enjoyed reading them all.

    I'd like to say that eventually I called D and asked her what's going on, and she said she'd be glad if I could pick her up.
    That's what I did, and we all had a wonderful time together in that social event.

    She has some communication issue that I hope she could work it out, that's why she didn't return to me with an answer regarding all that issue.

    Thanks a lot guys.
     
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2011
  13. SABorn

    SABorn New Member

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    Best summed up as 2 is company and 3 is a crowd, the question we all want to know is......... did you get lucky?
     
  14. DerStrom8

    DerStrom8 Super Moderator Most Helpful Member

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    To be honest, SABorn, that thought never entered my mind. This is a public forum, and I think that's the kind of question that should be asked in a PM or kept to yourself ;) lol
    Der Strom
     
  15. Reloadron

    Reloadron Well-Known Member Most Helpful Member

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    Aw gee, I just love happy endings. :)

    Ron
     

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