Why DID the Chicken cross the road

[bryan1]

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

JOHN McCAIN: My friends, the chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing
the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm
going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way the chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2014, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of Chicken 2014. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

 

[misterT]

JIM MORRISON: To break on through to the other side!

 

[Willen]

Charlie Chaplin: .......................................................................................................... (silent acting)

 

[eTech]

Carl Sagan: to cross the Billllllions and Billllions and Billllions of light pebbles on the road...


Rod Serling: Meet Mr. Chicken...Mr. Chicken knows not...of the fate...that awaits...across the road...in the twilight zone....

 

[RadioRon]

STEPHEN HARPER:Let me be perfectly clear. I did not know about the chicken, I did not know about the road. If I would have been made aware of them I would certainly have taken appropriate action and prevented the chicken from crossing the road. The culprits responsible for the chicken crossing the road are being investigated by the RCMP.

THOMAS MULCAIR: If the Prime Minister didn’t know about the chicken and he didn’t know about the road, how did he know that the chicken had any intention of crossing the road?

JUSTIN TRUDEAU: The chicken crossed the road because the other side had legalized marijuana.

ROB FORD: That video of me snorting that chicken does not exist and I’ve only crossed that road in a drunken stupor.

 

[RadioRon]

PLATO: For the greater good.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.

SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN: I forget.

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken `crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, ``Thou shalt cross the road.'' And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

OLIVER STONE: The question is not, ``Why did the chicken cross the road?'' Rather, it is, ``Who was crossing the road at the sametime, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?''

DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road... it transcended it.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

MICHAEL SCHUMACHER: It was an instinctive maneuver, the chicken obviously didn't see the road until he had already started to cross.

PHYSICIST: Because the chicken's momentum had a positive component towards the other side of the road.

QUANTUM PHYSICIST: Because you measured its momentum too precisely.

MATHEMATICIAN: Because of the intermediate values theorem.

ALGEBRAIC GEOMETRIST: Well, consider a faithfully flat etale coherent sheaf...

C PROGRAMMER: cross_road() was called from get_other_side()

C++ PROGRAMMER: chicken->CrossRoad() was called from chicken->GetOtherSide()

RMS: The licenses for most roads are designed to take away your chicken's freedom to cross it. By contrast, the GALLUS Road Public Licence...

GARY LARSON: ``THE OTHER SIDE - Why do you need a reason?''

ENS STUDENT: Contretest.

OMAR KHAYYÁM:
I sent my Chicken across the Road,
Some Letter of that Other-side to download:
And by and by my Chicken return'd to me,
And answer'd ``I Myself am Princess and Toad:''

MARKETING DIVISION OF MICROSOFT CORPORATION: Where does your chicken want to go today?

MARVIN: The other side is just as dull as this one. Don't talk to me about chickens.

ARTHUR DENT: Why did the chicken cross the road? 42? No, that doesn't make sense.

GOETHE: Es irrt das Huhn, solang es die Straße übergeht.

HARI SELDON: It's part of the Plan.

HAMLET:
To cross, or not to cross, that is the question: -
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind, to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous side;
Or to take arms against a road of troubles,
And by crossing end them?

 

[RadioRon]

THERMODYNAMIST: Because the pressure of chickens was greater on this side of the road, and the chicken's crossing made the entropy greater.

Douglas Adams: 42.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential. It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

Roseanne Barr: Urrrrrp. What chicken?

Ludwig van Beethoven: What? Speak up.

Bodhidharma: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

Julius Caesar: To come, to see, to conquer.

John Calvin: It was predestined.

Candide: To cultivate its garden.

Johnny Cochran: The chicken never crossed the road. Some chicken-hating, genocidal, lying public official moved the road right under the chicken's feet while he was practicing his golf swing and thinking about his family. Colonel Sanders: I missed one?

Joseph Conrad: Mistah Chicken, he dead.

Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an Herculean achievement formerly relegated to Homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.

Salvador Dali: The Fish.

Charles Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Charles Darwin (revisited): Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

Thomas Dequincy: Because it ran out of opium.

Jacques Derrida: What is the difference? The chicken was merely deferring from one side of the road to other. And how do we get the idea of the chicken in the first place? Does it exist outside of language?

Jacques Derrida (revisited): Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

James Dean: Because it was chicken.

Rene Descartes: It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming anyway.

Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

Bob Dylan: How many roads must one chicken cross?

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

TS Eliot: Weialala leia / Wallala leialala.

TS Eliot (revisited): Do I dare to cross the road?

T.S. Eliot (revisited again): It's not that they cross, but that they cross like chickens.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Epicurus: For pleasure.

Paul Erdos: It was forced to do so by the chicken-hole principle.

Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken "crossed" the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.

Basil Fawlty: Oh, don't mind that chicken. It's from Barcelona.

Pierre de Fermat: I just don't have room here to give the full explanation.

Gerald R. Ford: It probably fell from an airplane and couldn't stop its forward momentum.

Michel Foucault: It did so because the discourse of crossing the road left it no choice-the police state was oppressing it.

Sigmund Freud: The chicken was obviously female and obviously interpreted the pole on which the crosswalk sign was mounted as a phallic symbol of which she was envious, selbstverst ndlich.

Sigmund Freud (revisited): The fact that you are at all concerned about why the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

Robert Frost: To cross the road less traveled by.

Zsa Zsa Gabor: It probably crossed to get a better look at my legs, which, thank goodness, are good, dahling.

Gilligan: The traffic started getting rough; the chicken had to cross. If not for the plumage of its peerless tail, the chicken would be lost. The chicken would be lost!

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Stephen Jay Gould: It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for it, but we have been deluged in recent years with sociobiological stories despite the fact that we have little direct evidence about the genetics of behavior, and we do not know how to obtain it for the specific behaviors that figure most prominently in sociobiological speculation.

H. R. Haldeman: I can't recall.

Thomas Hardy: Some blessed hope, whereof it knew, and I was unaware.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

Heraclitus: A chicken cannot cross the same road twice.

Adolf Hitler: It needed Lebensraum.

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping fifty tons of nerve gas on it.

Doug Hofstadter: To seek explication of the correspondence between appearance and essence through the mapping of the external road-object onto the internal road-concept.

Lee Iacocca: It found a better car, which was on the other side of the road.

John Paul Jones: It has not yet begun to cross!

James Joyce: To forge in the smithy of its soul the uncreated conscience of its race.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Immanuel Kant: Because it would have this be a universal law.

Stan Laurel: I'm sorry, Ollie. It escaped when I opened the run.

Timothy Leary: It was the only trip that the establishment would let it take.

Leda: Are you sure it wasn't Zeus dressed up as a chicken? He's into that kind of thing, you know.

Gottfried von Leibniz: In this best possible world, the road was made for it to cross.

H.P. Lovecraft: To futilely attempt escape from the dark powers which even then pursued it, hungering after the stuff of its soul!

Douglas MacArthur: In order to return.

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

Machiavelli (revisited): The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

Malcolm X: Because it would get across that road by any means necessary.

Groucho Marx: Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.

Karl Marx: To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle. It was a historical inevitability.

Gregor Mendel: To get various strains of roads.

John Stuart Mill: For the greater good.

John Milton: To justify the ways of God to men.

Alfred E. Neumann: What? Me worry?

Sir Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.

Moses: Know ye that it is unclean to eat the chicken that has crossed the road.

Moses: And the LORD spake unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road.

Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it [censored] wanted to. That's the [censored] reason.

Camille Paglia: It was drawn by the subconscious chthonian power of the feminine which men can never understand, to cross the road and focus itself on its task. Hens are not capable of doing this-their minds do not work that way. Feminism tries vainly to pretend there is no real difference between them, falsely following Rousseau. But de Sade has proved....

Thomas Paine: Out of common sense.

Michael Palin: Nobody expects the banished inky chicken!

The Pathology Guy: To be loved. To find meaning. To find an answer for death.

Paul of Tarsus: A chicken does not understand its own actions.

Wolfgang Pauli: There already was a chicken on the other side of the road.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

J. Danforth Quayle: It saw a potatoe.

Ayn Rand: It was crossing the road because of its own rational choice to do so. There cannot be a collective unconscious; desires are unique to each individual.

Georg Friedrich Riemann: The answer appears in Dirichlet's lectures.

Saddam Hussein: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Mr. Scott: 'Cos ma wee transporter beam was na functioning properly. Ah canna work

William Shakespeare: I don't know why, but methinks I could rattle off a hundred-line soliloquy without much ado.

Sisyphus: Was it pushing a rock, too?

B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.

Socrates: To pick up some hemlock at the corner druggist.

The Sphinx: You tell me.

John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.

Mr. T: If you saw me coming, you'd cross the road, too!

Teveyah: As the Good Book says... Well I'm sure it says something in there about a chicken and a road.

Margaret Thatcher: There was no alternative.

J.R.R. Tolkein: The chicken, sunlight coruscating off its radiant yellow- white coat of feathers, approached the dark, sullen asphalt road and scrutinized it intently with its obsidian-black eyes. Every detail of the thoroughfare leapt into blinding focus: the rough texture of the surface, over which countless tires had worked their relentless tread through the ages; the innumerable fragments of stone embedded within the lugubrious mass, perhaps quarried from the great pits where the Sons of Man labored not far from here; the dull black asphalt itself, exuding those waves of heat which distort the sight and bring weakness to the body; the other attributes of the great highway too numerous to give name. And then it crossed it.

Kilgore Trout: Why not?

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Kurt Vonnegut: There is no "why", there only "is". So it goes.

George Washington: Actually, it crossed the Delaware with me back in 1776. But most history books don't reveal that I bunked with a birdie during the duration.

John Wesley: It exercised its own free will.

Mae West: I invited it to come up and see me sometime.

Walt Whitman: To cluck the song of itself.

Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

Henny Youngman: Take this chicken...please!

Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.
miracles, Captain

Sorry about any repeats

 

[killivolt]

killivolt: Because, he refuse to fly.

 

[misterT]

MrT: To find out if it's safe.

 

[throbscottle]

Myamoto Musashi: It believed it would gain an advantage by being able to see it's enemies from the other side of the road, not realising that this is folly.

 

[JimB]

Bill Clinton: I, did, not, have, sexual relations, with, that, chicken!

 

[alec_t]

Heisenberg: Can you be certain it did cross the road?

 

[JimB]

Schroedinger: I thought I put it in the box with the cat.

 

[tcmtech]

Schrodingers Cat: It might or might not be in here with me and we may or may not have crossed the road. It all depends on how you want to look at us.

 

[cowboybob]

PETA: Did any of you consider the life threatening dangers this chicken faced crossing the road? HUH? Did you??

A shameful, contemptible philosophical discussion that utterly disregards the welfare of this poor animal. We will make you pay...

 

[throbscottle]

Harpo Marx:

 

[cowboybob]

Harpo Marx:

Honk!

 

[throbscottle]

Honk!

Oh yeah, I forgot!

 

[a tech]

PETA: Did any of you consider the life threatening dangers this chicken faced crossing the road? HUH? Did you??

A shameful, contemptible philosophical discussion that utterly disregards the welfare of this poor animal. We will make you pay...

LOL Nice one Bob.

Cheers,
tvtech

 

[rc3po]

Mr. T: You better be glad that chicken crossed the road! And I pity the fool that would try to stop him!