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Just a Joke or 3

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bryan1

Well-Known Member
Hiya Guy's
After checking my e-mails after coming home from working away for a couple of weeks I got some good jokes that aren't too crude(well the crude ones can stay on my puter as they don't belong here).
So I though this thread would be a good place to start placing a few funnies to lighten the day.

The Priest Can't Lie!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A very distinguished lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland.
She found herself seated next to a nice priest whom she asked:
"Excuse me Father, could I ask a favor?"
"Of course my child, What can I do for you?"
"Here is the problem, I bought myself a new sophisticated hair
remover gadget for which I paid an enormous sum of money.
I have really gone over the declaration limits and I am worried
that they will confiscate it at customs. Do you think you
could hide it under your cassock?"
"Of course I could, my child, but you must realize that I cannot lie."
"You have such an honest face Father, I am sure they will not ask
you any questions", and she gave him the 'hair remover'.

The aircraft arrived at its destination. When the priest presented
himself to customs he was asked,
"Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head to my sash, I have nothing to declare,
my son",he replied.

Finding this reply strange, the customs officer asked,
"And from the sash down, what do you have?"
The priest replied, "I have there a marvelous little instrument
destined for use by women, but which has never been used."

Breaking out in laughter, the customs officer said,

"Go ahead Father. Next!"
 

bryan1

Well-Known Member
The Bus-stop
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a
tight mini skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was
her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to
allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she
reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would
give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only
to discover that she couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to
unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the
step.
Once
again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little
smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and
again was unable to take the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up
easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She
went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, "How
dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!" The Texan smiled
and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after
you unzipped my fly three times, I kind 'a figured we was friends
 

bryan1

Well-Known Member
Hardware
~~~~~~~~~~~

Harlow was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his
wife Mary to the hardware store.
At the hardware store, Mary saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was
waiting for Carl, the manager, to finish waiting on a customer.
When Carl was finished, Mary asked "How much for the teapot?"
Carl replied, "That's silver and it costs $300!"
"My goodness, that sure is a lotta money!" Mary exclaimed.
Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Harlow had sent her to buy, and Carl went
to the back room to find it.
From the back room Carl yelled, "Mary, you wanna screw for that hinge?"

Mary replied, "No, but I will for the teapot."
 

bloody-orc

New Member
ROTFL :D :D :D :D :D :D :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
 
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