Christmas Stories!

[tcmtech]

I thought we all could use some more realistic humor around the holidays!

Here is one for all you fellow bah hum buggers who are also sick of hearing Christmas music in every store you have been in for the last three weeks.
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A Little Christmas Story

**broken link removed**​

A Christmas Story for people having a bad day: ​

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor.

In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

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If you got some more stories feel free to share!

 

[QuietMan]

On Christmas Eve a tired engineer realized to his dismay he had forgotten to get his wife a Christmas gift.

He frantically scanned the stores, and saw a pet store that hadn't closed its doors yet.

He went in and explained his predicament. The clerk thought about it for a minute, and explained they had pretty much been cleared out, except for a little parakeet named Chet. "I don't know why he hasn't sold", the clerk explained, "He does some nice Christmas tricks".

The engineer expressed interest, so the clerk took him to a little bird in his cage. He lite a match, and held it well under his left foot.

Chet burst into song, "Silent Night! Holy Night!" and sang the whole song through.

Then the clerk lite another match, and held it well under his right foot.

"Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the Way!", and sang it all the way through.

The customer was very pleased, and bought Chet and all the accessories he needed.

Later, his happy wife and man were laying in front of the fire drinking their egg nogg looking up at their new pet, and his wife asked, "What happens if you hold the match between his legs?"

"I don't know", the engineer said, and tried the experiment forthwith.

Silence.

"Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire..."

 

[rmn_tech]

I may have posted this or similar before However a search of my previous postings didn't show it so Ill post it for you. Only one mention of Christmas but I think it's amusing.

THE NON CONFORMING SPARROW

It was nearly Christmas and he decided he was not going to fly south for the winter.
But soon the weather turned so cold he decided he'd better go. As he was flying the weather turned so cold that his wings froze solid, and he dropped into a field. Just then a passing cow crapped all over him and he thought this is the end.

But the heat from the cow crap soon warmed him up and he began to sing. A passing cat heard the singing and dug around in the dung until he found the bird and promptly ate him.

There are three morals to this story.

1. Anyone who s**ts on you is not necessarily your enemy.
2. Anyone who gets you out of the s**t is not necessarily your friend.
3. If your warm and happy in a pile of s**t. KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.

 

[killivolt]

Chet the Parakeet (Funny)

I told Chet the Parakeet story about 4 times yesterday.

I got a laugh out of them every time.


kv

 

[charlesedwin]

The worst Christmas story? It happens every year for me. When we go to see our relatives I must hide from my mother later in the day. She will go around asking people to dress up as Santa for the kids and she will not take no for an answer. She has caught me a few times and I have been forced to get in the Santa outfit and let all my nieces and nephews tell me what they want while my uncles/siblings laugh and point at me. Not to mention they are usually scared to death of Santa so they scream and cry. When she gets that costume out all the men in the house run like she just got quad damage.