Then I found that the proc was running at 1mhz, ie default speed, so the fuses were not set, these chips were virgins never been burned from arduino cc, and they were top price from rs comps.
So I setup an uno and burned the bootloaders, now they work as expected, still with the reset button though, your right reset isnt connected.
So I moved on to the next part, rf modules, rf solutions zeta modules, big mistake, they claim a 2km range, I cant even get 2mm without half of the data being corrupted, with or without decoupling caps, I'm going back to dumb rf modules, I never liked the smart ones.